Things only bother you when you let them... that's how i've been living my life lately... it's just not worth worrying and stressing about things that are not in your control.. I've been worried about graduating and what the hell i'm going to do with myself afterwards.. but honestly? The only thing I control is what I do with myself and how I wanna finish up my last few courses in university. It's like that I am what I am commercial... what do I control.. not much.. except for how I wanna live my life and who I want to spend time with. I've realized that I've spent a lot of time this semester at school just hanging out with the philosophy students... they are an eccentric bunch (lol... everyone knows my definition of that word... the rich people's crazy) but they are so fun to be around. They sometimes rattle off on philosophical ideas that I've got no clue about, but for the most part I enjoy their company. Sometimes that's what I like the most, just to spend a few minutes talking to someone that makes me laugh. If I worry too much about money, boyfriends, work, life.. I realize it just makes you more unhappy. Like i've told a professor of mine, life is just easier when you're happy. Or at least have a smile on your face. People are too obsessed with things nowadays, whether it be a relationship, money, or school, or even just stupid things like what should I wear. I spent some time over the Lunar New year at my uncle's.. talking to him.. it just brings so much insight into how... irrelevent my problems are. He's got a daughter that's going to be a teenager soon and he gave me one of two options... if i'm going to be a good person.. be the best possible example to my cousin, do everything I can to be a good person and do well in school, life, work etc... or... I can be the worst possible person, one that wastes money and does jack shit and is just ... non-existent in the terms of what it is to be a good person... I was thinking about that and realized that it's true in life... if you're going to be good.. be great... if you're going to be bad.. be the worst possible thing so that people can see what a waste it is to worry too much about dumb things... I mean i'm no saint, and I won't even begin to say I am... i'll party and just do the whole binge drinking thing, but at the same time... i've realized in my entire life.. i've never ... failed at anything.. i've done poorly, i've quit or decided I didn't want to pursue this, but i'm glad that i've never failed... even at the worst point in my life I never gave up... I tried... MAN did I try at the worst time in my life.. but i've realized... nothing in this life is quite as bad as you think it is.. it's all a learning experiance.. so here's to learning experiances, and when you think it's the worst possible thing to happen to you... turn the corner and find something wonderful

I've gotten my sign...

For once i've been able to figure out my life and the track I need to take. I think it's a sign that things are finally starting to fall into place. I went to go see my advisor who promptly told me that i've been declared a philosophy major and that all I need is 40 credits of class and i'll be able to graduate. I was so happy to hear that... that's 2 1/2 semesters.. ie me having to take summer semester next year. But i'm happy about that cuz that means that starting next fall... 2007, I can go and apply to Capilano for their Legal Secretary program for the fall, then as I turn 23... I can finally start working and move out of my parents house when i'm 24. That's my whole master plan right now. I thought i'd have to finish in the fall of next year, but nope not anymore. I'm going to get started on making money and going out into the world by myself (along with my lovely friends). This is a great sign for me. I'm finally happy i'm making something of myself.

Give me a sign...

It seems that I'm on one of those life finding quests now. I'm going to try and spend my summer deciding what I want to do. I don't like school anymore and I'm starting to hate having to spend time there. I wanna finish as soon as possible, but the dreaded grad school looms ahead even after that. I was thinking. Take the legal secretary program at Capilano and work for a year. Find myself and find my way out of my parents place. I'm finding that I wish to move out but dont have the fund to move out. I made a deal with one of my friends and by June 21st I'm thinking i'll be crushless. I need to grow up. I'm turning 21 very quickly and there are tons of people out there that have their lives decided already and i'm still deciding. I'm so lost, I don't know what to do anymore. I want to volunteer over the summer too, but don't know where. I was thinking a women's shelter or else at children's hospital maybe cheering up children. But whenever i'm near people in pain I can't help but be in pain too. Empathy really sucks ass. Well let's get over the topic of indesiciveness. Isn't that the point of growing up? Lol my mom has already set a time-limit on when i've gotta move out. Before I turn 26 I've gotta be on my own two feet and outta the house. I was deciding to move out with Lisa and Karmon, considering Karmon might just be out on her ass soon too. But still very undecided.

Funny anecdote of the day:

Apparently, Kaela (a friend of mine) was talking to her friend, we'll name him Joe right now to protect his identity. SO! Joe was telling Kaela about going to a practice at 8 Rinks. Apparently he was waiting for Ruutu also for an autograph but some girl was hogging him and he spent a lot of time chatting with this girl. The girl had this nice red sign... starting to ring a bell? He never did get that autograph because Ruutu soon left after chatting with this girl. Well lol. Guess who got 2.. count them TWO autographs.. TWO photos and got him to laugh too! Oh yeah Baby... yours truly !

But anyways. That was my funny story to tell. I'm sorry to Kaela's friend, if it makes you feel better i'll never ask him for another autograph anyways! Now to hunt down Linden, since he's evaded me twice now. I'm also in search of tickets. Any kind of tickets (preferably lower bowl though) Let's get some input in the choices of my life. Should I continue to go to school till I die an old maid with no future. OR should I go out on a limb and try something new. Give me some kind of sign... i'm going insane here.

Me with my future husband... he just doesn't know it yet hehe

LOL now... to lure him into a sense of security and trap him hahaha my life's goal now.. screw law school hahaha must focus ALL energies on trapping this man as my husband.. lol i'm kidding I must sound like a crazy girl now.. but I'm not.. and i'm not a puckbunny cuz frankly I think I could outsmart most guys about hockey.. and quite frankly I don't like him cuz he's hot (that's a bonus.. and that's usually just me saying he's hot) I like him cuz he's a grinder, a hard hockey player and a passionate person.. He laughed when he saw my sign.. which I hope is a good thing.. or else I made an ass of myself again for no cause.. Now my jersey is only missing... Linden, Cooke, Carter, Bertuzzi, Ohlund, Salo, Cloutier, Crawford, and Bieksa... hahaha to hunt down those guys... I'm so happy today so giddy... he looks great in jeans girls... let me just say.. that ass... it performs miracles in jeans ;) lol

I have lost faith in humanity...

So today... was my day of glory.. i've waited weeks for it to happen and finally it dawned on me.. today was the day I would meet every single canucks (that's not injured) I went to their practice today at 8 rinks in hopes of getting my lovely jersey signed.. and let me tell you.. the roster only contains around 23 people... I got 17 autographs.. GO TRUDY! hahaha it was so amazing.. We saw our first Canuck.. and guess who it was... none other then grumpy Bertuzzi who said he'd sign stuff later.. (there was no later) but yeah.. then a whole flood gate opened and the canucks were swarming it.. I got Morrison's(such a nice guy!) he like signed SO many autographs took photos everything! Naslund too.. I heard he's sometimes anti-social but wow he was so sweet! Sedins were amzing I think Henrik was on the phone but he got off and started signing autographs.. Carter.. he was on his cell and just breezed past everyone.. what an ass... but yeah I saw LINDEN!! he talked to me too!! such a gorgeous looking guy! haha but yeah he lied to me.. said he'd come out afterwards to sign stuff.. yeah.. he didn't... but i'm going to let my bitterness go... grr.. lol but yeah.. the ONE person I wanted to sign my stuff... yeah he breezed in and out without ANYONE seeing him.. which REALLY pissed me off! but it's all good I guess... hahaha so fun watching them practice.. I had a really cool sign that Lisa and Karmon made for me.. so hillarious.. I believe Morrison and Cooke now know I want to have Ruutu's kids.. lol they snickerd as they skated past me... so hillarious.. all in all a good day.. frooze my ass off but well worth it. :)

That's my back that Mo is signing!

That's me with Jovo!! (my jersey he's signing ;))

Me James and Bryan Allen!

and last but not least.. my hunnie.. who booked it faster then you could start a Ruutu chant... bastard lol